T+19 Update

I can hardly believe I was let out of Northwestern only a week ago this morning. It feels like a lifetime ago. Some of that's because I still don't have the strength or energy to get out and do alot, so the days go by pretty slowly. And some of it is the mind doesn't remember pain, and I'm forgetting alot of what happened.

They warned me about coming home and what a huge adjustment it would be because of how much they disrupted my sleep schedule and how worn out the drugs make my body. They were not kidding, its been a HUGE adjustment. But a very positive one. I love getting to sleep eight hours without them waking me up to take my vital signs or weigh me or give me some medication. It took 3 or 4 nights for me to quit waking up every four hours out of habit, but by this last weekend sleep was once again my friend.

The other thing I have found difficult to deal with is that I made it through the treatment with so few complications. That was terrific, it was amazing, and I am grateful for it, but it doesn't make the process any easier. What happens is, my journey gets minimized because I went through it easily. There was nothing easy about it, and I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to go through that. Its disruptive, destructive, painful, unpleasant, awful, and I don't know what other words to describe it with. Alot of times, in telling people what happened and how well I did, what gets lost is how difficult the treatment was, and that bothers me. I don't ever want to do that again, so the cancer better stay gone.

Getting to be close to Hope is the best part of being home. I'm still not strong enough to be a primary caregiver for her, but I can spend an hour here and there with her. She's a hoot. She's crawling, and as soon as she figured out how to crawl, she figured out how to pull herself up to a standing position, which she likes better. So now, when you put her on the floor, her primary objective is to locate an object which will allow her to pull herself up to standing. This can be anything from the dog to the couch to the coffee table, you name it. Needless to say, we now have to be in catching distance from her at all times because she's really not strong enough to be walking so what ends up happening is alot of falling down.

My little pinto has a mind of her own too. She loves being the center of attention, and will do things to get everyone's attention. Then, when she's playing with her toys, she wants whatever toy you have in your hands. Period. She sees me holding a glass of water, she wants it. She sees me holding Patch the stuffed dog, she wants to play with it. As soon as she gets whatever you have though, she's on to the next toy to play with, so life is this constant stream of finding things for her to play with which is kind of interesting.

Friends have been asking how I feel. I feel pretty good all things considered. My body physically still feels like someone dropped a building on me, only everyday the size of the building gets a little smaller. The best time of day for me, energy wise is early in the morning. I do well until about lunch time, then I need a couple hour nap. Then I am up in the evening, but usually a little foggy.

Mind has been pleasantly clear on these drugs. CHOP-Rituxan four years ago really screwed up my short term memory. With these drugs, I have had some memory issues, but thankfully not the near Alzheimer's situation I went through before.

Since I'm home and doing better, I have cut back on posting. There's not as much to post about, so I'll just put up weekly updates on how I'm doing. I go to see the doctor tomorrow and hopefully he'll let me drive again and take me off the bleeding restrictions. Those restrictions really limit what I can do around the house, because I'm not allowed to do anything that might cause me to bleed or bruise, ie no cutting/chopping/making dinner, no lifting or moving objects, no sitting in the front seat of a car(airbags cause severe bruising).

I'll let y'all know how the doctor's went tomorrow. Peace, and I'm out. T