T-4

This is a routine I'm not going to get used to, up at 6:00 am to the sound of the IV alarm going off again. Then, I open my eyes thinking Randall is here to change my IV bag and instead I get the huge guy from the Green Mile smiling at me and saying, "Morning sir, I need to weigh you." Seeing as how I've just been awoken to this startling image, I respond, "Are you going to pick me up?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Because I'm too tired to get up." And proceed to literally stagger out of bed and onto the digital scale he's conveniently rolled next to my bed and placed so that I can practically fall onto it.

Obviously Proctor has faced non-morning people like me before. While I'm situating myself on the scale, he deftly slaps on the blood pressure cuff and pulse ox monitor and graciously asks
"how are you doing this morning?"

The voice in my head snaps, How the fuck do you think I'm doing as I fall onto your scale, which comes out as, "Great, I guess. I'll let you know once the lower half of my body has checked in." thinking to myself, this is too early for even a cup of coffee. Then Rodney arrives with my new IV bag and a simple question, "Want to take a shower? Pre-meds start at 6:30 and your Etopocide starts at 7. Then you'll be on chemo until 11, so no showering."

Guess I'm taking the shower. This routine of getting etopocide and cytarabin in the morning and again in the evening sucks. Just one of the rounds feels like an entire round of R-ICE did. Two rounds of R-ICE a day for four days. I've only gotten through one and I really cannot describe how wonderful I feel. Calling it being hit by a truck is too kind.

One important lesson though, the central line is a God's gift. Pain meds, like ativan and zofran, act instantly, but so do the chemo agents.

Thanks for all the notes of support. you are all wonderful and I REALLY appreciate them. Its very depressing to be in this little room(although it is quite nice), and feeling like I'm under seige all the time. I'm hanging in there, and doing well. The only issue I've run into is I have been taking in so much fluid that my blood pressure has risen from my normal, 120/75 range, up to 150/90. It came down over night, but if it goes up again they may give my lasix to for the fluid out of my system. I asked if it would disqualify me from next year's Kentucky Derby, being on the banned list in horseracing now. They said no, because it was used in a medical procedure. But went on to express concern that this won't make me fast enough to compete with thoroughbreds. Silly me, and here I thought everyone was like Lance Armstrong and got to pick a sport to excel at when they get through this, and my dreams of racing horses crashed to the earth.

Oh, and I passed my confusion test again. Here goes, and you have to answer quickly, you're not allowed to think about each answer for more than 10 seconds:
"What's today's month, date and year?"
"Where were you born?"
"What month day and year were you born in?"
"Who is the president?"
"Who was president before him?"
"What's you Mother's maiden name?"
"What's the name of this hospital?"
"How many siblings to you have?"
"When was the last time you had sex?" Actually, I'm still waiting for them to toss out that last one. I'm convinced its coming any day now. There's simply too much room to mess with patients, I wouldn't be good at that job.

Finally, THANK GOD for a loving wife and family who can bring me food and are willing to just sit here while I slowly pickle in these poisons. It really makes my day go so much better, especially getting some hot, decent food. I asked the nurse about the menu and she said its kinda sad beccause it was designed for short stay patients, not long term ones, and the selections are very limited.

I must also say the staff here has been terrific. They have all be so warm, gentle and thorough. they patiently answer even the dumbest of questions and really go out of their way to make me more confortable with the next phase of the treatment.

Good news today, its T- 4. Its early, but after tonight's infusion I'm half way through. I'll bust out today infusions just fine. They exhaust me, but that's about it. I want to see my blood counts, hopefully they've begun to come down. although the bulk of the coming down will be day T-0 through T-7.

I love my body, its been such a trooper. What a gift. I look forward to exercising it and getting back in shape when this is all over.

Drugs are here....ta ta for now