Good Days

I woke up this morning to an incredible back ache. My pelvis and lower back felt like I slipped a disc in my sleep. Thank you Neulasta. They warned me about the pain of that stuff, but I have to say the warning was a bit milder than how much it hurts.

But its still a good day. I have learned to appreciate everyday. All the little things are what make this an amazing place, sadly most people don't even stop long enough to recognize the beauty and intricacy that flows all around them.

Cancer doesn't win. Jimmy V is right, it can't take my mind, my heart or my soul. And there's a part of me that feels like as long as I appreciate everyday, and am grateful for it, then I'm winning. Sure it hurts, but at least I have the pain to let me know I'm still alive.

Something I got from a meditation of mine: I saw my spirit guide walking through a deep valley. He was out and about, not in his tent on the shoulder of the mountain like normal. Instead, he was at the bottom of a deep canyon at the base of a HUGE mountain. In my meditation, I sense he wanted to show me something, so I went down to see him. When I got to him, the snow fed river was roaring next to us so loud I couldn't hear myself think, much less what he was saying. But like usual, he didn't say anything. He merely smiled at me, waved his arm around the small valley floor next to the raging river and then motioned his arm towards the peak of the mountain.

I looked around wondering at the place. It was like standing in the bottom of a barrel. The canyon walls rose straight up all around us. We were deep in the canyon, it felt forboding, almost claustrophobic. As I watched him wave around, I sensed that the purpose was for me to understand how closed in things could be. The raging river felt dangerous, I felt trapped. I sensed fear growing inside me.

Then, when he swept his gaze to the top of the mountain at the head of the gorge, I understood. I imagined what the summit of that mountain must be like, a broad expanse of freedom and openness.

It takes the depths of the valley, to give meaning to the height of the summit.